Mary Sunshine
Posted on Tuesday, October 3, 2006 at 7:10 amCategory: Uncategorized
Warning, this is not going to be a happy post and it might even appear that I’m being a whiny baby. So you have been warned.
Ok most anyone who knows anything about me knows I’m sick. Have been sick for several years. And yet when I don’t feel good, its like they never knew. I do care for those that wish me well and become worried when I am sick but often times its those people that I pretend for. I become this little actress (btw I’m not a great actress) and pretend all is well with the world. That I’m not sick, that the doctors claim I’m terminally ill and that my life is just peaches. Fact, its nothing even close to that.
Half the time my husband doesn’t even know how bad I feel. Yes, I tell him I don’t feel good, but I never wake him up during the night when I can barely crawl out of the bathroom. I have actually fell asleep in there this past week. I know he hurts when I do and I just can’t handle causing him more pain. Same goes with my family.
I feel like *ss most days and find it troubling to even crawl out of bed. Yesterday, because I had to get a few things done, I had my desk trash can sitting beside me instead of tucked under my desk. Because not only was I so wrapped up in the things I needed to get done, I was so sick that had I not..I would have spent my day praying to the toilet gods. So, after tapping out the last bit of work that HAD to be done, I spread my blanket out, pulled a spare pillow down and wrapped up with my winnie the pooh blanket and fell asleep on my office floor (perhaps I should keep this clear that I work from home).
Now I know not many people read this blog, which is why I feel comfy in ranting here about this. I would never even dream of taking this post over to my Romantically Inclined blog…yikes. I’d scare everyone off. *sigh*
So here it is 6am my time, I haven’t been to bed yet, because guess what…when I laid down to rest, I suddenly got sick again. This seems to be happening alot lately. My fever has been spiking up and down for awhile now. I should have lost at least 20 pounds or so, but grr I haven’t. Shhh don’t tell my husband but I often wonder why I’m still here..but then I remind myself that I can’t go no where until 1) my book is published 2) my kids are grown, married, happy and 3) because I would miss my husband too much. Not in that exact order btw.
Anyhow, today I plan on calling my mom to see how her and my dad are doing, and chances are my sister will message me about something to do with her beautiful kids and you know what? I’ll chit-chat as if I’m Mary Sunshine and never let them know how bad I truly feel.
Current Read: The Vampire Who Loved Me by Teresa Medeiros
Word Of The Day: egoism ~ (noun) excessive concern with oneself; conceit.
I swear on all that is holy, I never plan on these words. I hope no one thinks I’m conceited.
October 3rd, 2006 12:07
Wish I could do or say something that would heal you.
October 3rd, 2006 14:22
I have a family member who recently realized they have had lupus for a while but didn’t know what was going on. They had to go through the emotional transition of accepting it, and the equally big challenge of not letting the pain etc. dominate your every moment — in other words, not letting those around you know how badly you are hurting. I am so incredibly proud of the effort, and so sad they need to do it. I wish you all the best.
Andrew
To Love, Honor and Dismay
October 4th, 2006 07:59
Thank you both for dropping by. I’m actually shocked I got replies to this lol.
Zinnia- There is no need to feel like you must say or do anything. Posting a comment was kind enough. Thank you.
Andrew- It’s hard when a family member is ill from anything from a cold to the worst. But it’s when that person has the worst that it can be a trying time. People begin to not know how to act around you, others treat you like you’ve got spots and then there are the ones who think you’re faking. The last group are really hard to deal with, trust me I know..My mother-in-law. Shesh!
I wish your family member well and the very best of luck. Finding good doctors is a huge step in feeling better, even if you can’t find a cure.
October 4th, 2006 23:48
Can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I do know this: Haven, I’m proud of you. You’re stronger than you think
I.
October 5th, 2006 19:30
Thank you Is.
Just know that you mean the world to me..in sooo many “best friend” ways hehe.
November 2nd, 2006 10:07
Just wanted to say hang in there and know that there are lots of shoulders at RD for you to cry on.
July 23rd, 2007 00:08
Dear Haven,
I’ve always enjoyed your comments whenever I visited Squawkradio - which I miss terribly. I knew that you have this Crohn’s disease and I a teacher I worked with had IBS so I know a little about what you’re going through. I think your attitude is awesome - ignore it as much as you can (this helped my friend keep her mind off it) and when you can’t anymore your friends and family WANT to help. So do some of both. I can’t wait for you to be published! Will you do so under a pen name? I promise to buy one through amazon - I’m the one from Bolivia
hugs and kisses,
Angelique
July 26th, 2007 12:29
Sweetie, my mother feels a lot like I think you do. And you are not being a whiny baby, just trying to make the best of a rotten situation. You are in my prayers
Did you love the T.M. book? I really enjoyed it.